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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27980730">can't unmiss you and i need you now</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/coupe_de_foudre/pseuds/coupe_de_foudre'>coupe_de_foudre</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Law &amp; Order: SVU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Episode Related, Episode: s17e19 Sheltered Outcasts, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Married Barisi, Relationship Reveal, Secret Relationship, no beta we die like men</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:54:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,618</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27980730</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/coupe_de_foudre/pseuds/coupe_de_foudre</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“What's Carisi doing in there?” </p>
<p>“Nomak and his buddies jumped him in the street. Got him good, by the looks of it.”</p>
<p>Rafael holds back a growl, anger flaring up inside him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>134</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>can't unmiss you and i need you now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've wanted to write a fic based on this episode for weeks because I can't help but imagine Rafael seeing Sonny hurt and just going into full protective husband mode.</p>
<p>title from i'm so tired by lauv &amp; troye sivan because i suck at titles but i love this song</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The precinct is abuzz, everyone flitting from place to place lost in a world of their own when Rafael arrives. Fin catches sight of him almost immediately, waving him over. Rafael weaves his way through the desks to join him.</p>
<p>“Liv's in the office,” Fin tells him in greeting, tipping his head in that direction. Rafael nods, about to ask how long he'll have to wait to talk with her when he catches sight of a familiar face through the half-drawn blinds. </p>
<p>Out of his regular suit and tie attire, not even his casual henleys from home, Sonny looks ten years younger donning a loose grey hoodie and faded jeans. From what Rafael can make out through the blinds, his dirty blond hair is ruffled. </p>
<p>Rafael's heart warms at the sight; he looks like he does when he wakes up, wrapped under the covers that are pulled up to his face, blinking himself into consciousness after a deep sleep.</p>
<p>He points. “What's Carisi doing in there?” </p>
<p>If Fin is perturbed by his sudden sharp tone he doesn't mention it. Instead, he shrugs, leaning back in his chair and flipping the pen in his hand. “Nomak and his buddies jumped him in the street. Got him good, by the looks of it.”</p>
<p>Rafael holds back a growl, anger flaring up inside him.</p>
<p>Before he can question Fin any further, Amanda rushes past them towards Olivia's office, letting herself in. “Hey, sorry to interrupt but I need you to come check out one of the guys from the shelter. He's not talking.”</p>
<p>Rafael sees Olivia nod, say something to Sonny and then follow Amanda out of the office. He takes this as his chance, rushing over before she leaves. She greets him with a smile, nodding her head behind her. “I shouldn't be long, you're welcome to wait in there.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.”</p>
<p>He watches her go before slipping into the office.</p>
<p>The moment the door closes behind him, Rafael is by Sonny's side. Sonny is clearly trying to mask his pain, schooling his face into a look of indifference, but Rafael isn't stupid - as if Sonny seriously thinks he can fool him, to his face no less – and he drops his head to the detective's ear. “Are you okay?” </p>
<p>Sonny sighs, a ragged exhale that speaks volumes for how his day's going, and nods but he winces when he attempts to straighten and pulls his back too sharply. On instinct, Rafael reaches out, hand hovering by Sonny's cheek before he thinks better of it. He switches it into a point, wagging his finger in Sonny's face with a gentle smirk. “Stay put.” he gestures to Sonny's back, resting his hand on his shoulder with a light squeeze, “I'm going to get you some ice.”</p>
<p>Sonny opens his mouth to protest but Rafael gives a small shake of his head, already stepping back. </p>
<p>“You're annoying.” Sonny laughs quietly and Rafael smiles.</p>
<p>“And you're hurt.” he calls over his shoulder as he leaves the office.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he returns, Sonny is trying to gently stretch his back, leaning to his left and dropping his head down to lengthen his spine. A small groan escapes him.</p>
<p>Rafael tuts, softly.</p>
<p>Coming up behind Sonny, he runs his fingers down his side before carefully lifting the hem of his light grey hoodie. </p>
<p>His heart wrenches at what he sees.</p>
<p>There's a bruise beginning to form on the pale skin - stained harsh red from impact - a swamp-green seeping into the yellowish mark. He traces a fingertip over it, taking a deep breath as he pushes the fresh wave of anger down. </p>
<p>“This'll be cold.” he murmurs, not entirely sure if Sonny hears him. He presses the ice pack he'd found in the precinct freezer to the bruised area, his free hand resting on Sonny's waist, thumb rubbing soothing circles onto the bare skin beneath.</p>
<p>Sonny hisses, the sound morphing into a groan of pain and pleasure combined as he leans onto Liv's desk, palms braced steadily on the wood to hold himself up, his head dropping low. </p>
<p>Rafael keeps one hand pressed to the pack as he moves to stand by Sonny's head, ducking slightly to catch his gaze. Sonny twists his head to look up at him, usually piercingly bright eyes faded baby blue. Rafael can quite easily picture tears clouding them, if only Sonny would dare show anymore weakness than he already is.</p>
<p>“You can step out whenever you want, you know?”</p>
<p>“I know,” Sonny sighs, there's a fierce determination in his voice as he continues, “but I want to catch this guy. I know them now. They trust me, alright? I hope, anyway. If I can just- I just want to help.”</p>
<p>“You help plenty, mi amor.” Rafael coos, brushing a knuckle down the side of Sonny's face. “But I hate seeing you hurt.”</p>
<p>Sonny hums, leaning into the gentle touch as his eyes flutter closed, long eyelashes dancing over his cheekbones almost elegantly. Rafael smiles.</p>
<p>“I'm sure it won't take much longer.” Sonny reassures, twisting just enough to press a feather-light kiss to the inside of Rafael's wrist. “I'll be home soon.”</p>
<p>Rafael dips down, kissing the top of Sonny's head and mumbles, “Good.” into his unwashed hair, just as the door to the office is ripped open.</p>
<p>Throwing a look over his shoulder, he's not surprised to see Olivia stepping further into the room – it is her office, after all – but Amanda and Fin standing in the doorway wasn't expected. He supposes they all need to brief one another on the on-going case.</p>
<p>Fighting the urge to jump away from Sonny like simply being within arm's reach nauseates him, Rafael presses closer, hand falling from the man's cheek to rest on his waist once again. Olivia doesn't bother to hide her questioning look and Rafael steels himself for the inevitable conversation looming in the air.</p>
<p>“Carisi,” Fin breaks the silence hanging around them and Sonny blinks his eyes open, “you'll need to get back out there soon.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Amanda adds, “otherwise they might start to get suspicious.”</p>
<p>Sonny groans. “Can't I just tell them I had a job interview or whatever?”</p>
<p>“He can stay here another hour or two, surely.” Rafael tries hard to keep the disdain out of his voice. “He needs to rest or he won't heal.” The words seem to draw attention to the ice pack that Rafael is still holding against Sonny’s lower back but Rafael doesn't falter. </p>
<p>“Jeez,” Amanda crosses her arms over her chest, “you're acting tetchy today, Councelor.”  <br/>“Carisi got <em>attacked</em>!” he exclaims, arms gesturing outwards as though that better proves his point. He directs his glare at Liv, “You told me you had everything under control here.”</p>
<p>Liv holds her hands up in surrender, calm as ever. “And I do.” she assures, “We all do.” She waves her hand towards Sonny, “What happened to Carisi-”</p>
<p>“Shouldn't have happened!”</p>
<p>Sonny straightens up, hand on Rafael's shoulder - to calm him or for his own support, Rafael isn't sure. “Rafi, hey, it's okay. I'm fine.” He makes a point of meeting everyone's eye, “I'm gonna go grab a coffee, anyone want anything?”</p>
<p>They shake their heads.</p>
<p>With a lingering squeeze to Rafael's shoulder, taking the ice pack from his hand, Sonny makes his way out of the office. And then all eyes are fixed on him. Again.</p>
<p>Rafael sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. Today has already been a rollercoaster of emotions; he'd only come to talk with Liv, he hadn't exactly expected to run into Sonny today and especially not injured. Now he has to deal with this.</p>
<p>“<em>Rafi?</em>” Liv is the first to speak up, badly imitating Sonny's accent. </p>
<p>“Why do I feel like I'm missing out on something here?” Amanda questions.</p>
<p>Fin, to his credit, stays quiet.</p>
<p>Rafael ignores them in favour of asking his own question. “How much longer does he have to stay undercover?”</p>
<p>“As long as it takes to get some evidence for the case.” Olivia explains at the same time that Amanda snaps out a, “Why do you care all of a sudden?”</p>
<p>“He was attacked...” Rafael repeats, slower this time, a dangerous edge to his tone.</p>
<p>Liv bristles at the sound of it but Amanda seems oblivious, stepping forward with a determined look on her face. “He knows what he's doing. He's not an idiot. As is partner, I can tell you he's one of the best damn detectives I've worked with and his undercover work is unmatched. You choose not to pay any attention to him, so of course you don't know that.” she takes a deep breath, leaning closer, “You don't get to decide what's right of wrong for him. This is our case.”</p>
<p>Rafael has to admit, he's impressed. He's also glad that Sonny has such a supportive partner here. That, however, doesn't mean he's happy being told what he can and can't do involving Sonny.</p>
<p>Putting on his best scornful look, jutting his hip to one side and crossing his arms, he doesn't hesitate in saying what he does next.</p>
<p>“As his <em>husband</em>,” he stresses, unable to fight back a smirk, “I believe I have every right to express concern over not just Sonny's physical health but his mental health too. And, as his husband, I'm more than allowed to be worried when the first time I see Sonny in three days is when he's injured. He was my partner long before he was yours and I'm not sorry for caring about his damn wellbeing.”</p>
<p>Shocked silence fills the room. Rafael's breathing sounds too loud, blood rushing through his ears, his heartbeat pounding in his chest. He clenches his fists.</p>
<p>He can't deny that there's an unbelievable relief in finally getting his worries out in the open. Even if this wasn't exactly how they'd planned on telling their friends about their relationship.</p>
<p>The door clicks open and everyone snaps their eyes to Sonny who, ever the detective, takes one look at them all and frowns, obviously sensing the tension in the air. “What did I miss?”</p>
<p>Amanda scoffs, “How about we start with the fact that you're married?!”</p>
<p>Sonny glances to Rafael, who shrugs sheepishly. He mouths an apology to him.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Sonny starts slowly, stepping over to Rafael and taking a sip of his coffee before slipping his hand into Rafael's. He laces their fingers together, squeezing Rafael's hand three times and bringing a smile to Rafael's face. “Rafael and I are married.”</p>
<p>Liv chuckles from behind her desk. “We gathered that much, Carisi.” she frowns, “Is it still Carisi?”</p>
<p>Rafael rolls his eyes, “We've been married three years, it's not like we got hitched last night. His name doesn't magically change.”</p>
<p>“But you're married,” Fin pipes up. Rafael had almost forgotten he was in the room with them.</p>
<p>Sonny nods at Fin, patience better than Rafael’s as he explains, “Technically it's Barba-Carisi but at work we decided to stick to our own names. For simplicities sake.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Liv nods as though she understands, but the wrinkle between her brows says otherwise. “So, how come nobody told me about this?”</p>
<p>They both shrug, sharing a glance. </p>
<p>“It's in the paperwork from my transfer,” Sonny says, “and Chief Dodds knows about it. We figured at least <em>you</em> knew.”</p>
<p>“Well, I didn't.”</p>
<p>Rafael flashes a grin at his friend. “I guess you do now then.” Liv rolls her eyes, but she smiles back.</p>
<p>“Okay, but why didn't you tell us?” Amanda asks, looking rather unimpressed.</p>
<p>Sonny blushes, eyes to the ground. </p>
<p>Rafael speaks for him, thumb running over his knuckles soothingly. “Not all cops are as accepting as you might want to believe.” he explains, “It's the reason Sonny’s had to transfer so many times in the last few years. We thought it would be best not to go around announcing our relationship, especially since I work closely with you all.”</p>
<p>“We wouldn't have judged you because of...well, y'know.” Amanda frowns, but Sonny shakes his head.</p>
<p>“You can't say that now, you know me. It'd be different if you found out first.”</p>
<p>There's a moment of silence, not particularly uncomfortable, as everyone lets the new information sink in. Sonny heaves a tired sigh, resting his cheek to the top of Rafael's head and tucking their entwined hands into the giant pocket of his hoodie. It's warm. Rafael smiles, leaning closer into Sonny's side.</p>
<p>“Well,” Liv finally speaks up, smile softening as she catches sight of them both, “congratulations, even though it's rather late. I'm really happy for the two of you.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Rafael chuckles.</p>
<p>Her face turns serious then and she makes a point of meeting his eye. “From now on, I'll make sure you're always in the loop on Sonny’s cases.” She waits for him to nod in understanding before continuing, “And we'll try our very best to speed this case up.”</p>
<p>“I appreciate that.” Rafael says.</p>
<p>“You don't gotta do that, Lieu.” Sonny complains, voice muffled in Rafael's hair. “I don't need special treatment all of a sudden.”</p>
<p>Liv tuts, “It's not special treatment. You deserve a rest, you've been sleeping in that shelter for days now.” Sonny grumbles something incoherent but doesn't seem to have any further protests.</p>
<p>Amanda claps her hands, making a move to leave before backtracking and lightly punching Sonny in the arm. “After this case, we're going to talk about this properly over drinks. You're buying.”</p>
<p>Sonny laughs, waving her off. “Yeah, yeah.”</p>
<p>Satisfied, she steps out of the office, followed closely by Fin as he turns to smile fondly at them, “You two actually make a cute couple.” </p>
<p>They share a laugh as the door slowly closes behind them. </p>
<p>Liv rounds the desk, patting them both on the back. “He's right, you do.” she smirks, slipping towards the door before Rafael can swat at her. “I'll let you stay in here for a while, there's at least a little privacy compared to out there,” she gestures through the window and Rafael has to agree with her. “Don't be too long.”</p>
<p>And, with that, she's gone too.</p>
<p>Rafael turns, Sonny's arms already moving to wrap him up in a tight embrace, and buries his face into his husband's chest, inhaling deeply. His last shower was at the shelter so he doesn't smell like his usual rich, musky body wash, but the underlying scent of just <em>Sonny</em> is there and it calms him immensely. </p>
<p>“I've missed you,” he mumbles into the soft fabric of his hoodie. Sonny runs a hand through his hair, brushing a kiss to his hairline.</p>
<p>“Not as much as I've missed you.” </p>
<p>Rafael lifts his head, squinting up at him. “Don't start this argument again.”</p>
<p>Sonny fakes confusion, “What argument? I'm not starting anythi-” Rafael cuts him off, reaching onto his toes to catch Sonny's lips in a sweet, passionate kiss. Sonny responds eagerly, humming into his mouth as they practically melt into one another, the kiss feeling more like a practiced dance with the familiarity of their movements, the teasing flick of tongue and the way Rafael accommodates for how Sonny surges forward to deepen in only three seconds in.</p>
<p>Rafael will never tire of kissing Sonny.</p>
<p>Clutching at the hem of his hoodie, pulling Sonny flush against him, he breaks the kiss to catch his breath. Sonny presses their foreheads together, not willing to separate from him just yet.</p>
<p>“Stay safe.” Rafael pleads, voice but a whisper over Sonny's lips. Sonny smiles, sweet and soft.</p>
<p>He ducks down to steal one last kiss. “Always.” He kisses the tip of Rafael's nose, knowing how much the simple action still flusters him, even after all these years. “I'll be home before you know it.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>idk if I like how this turned out so I might delete it....</p>
<p>however, can we pls get some appreciation for Sonny in that hoodie in this episode because gods it kills me, he looks so soft!! 😭</p></blockquote></div></div>
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